Get all 11 Mackenzie Shivers releases available on Bandcamp and save 20%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of primrose was in season, a cautionary tale / pedestal, Funeral Singer EP, rejection memos, Rejection Letter, Forever, Midwinter, The Unkindness, and 3 more.
1. |
a cautionary tale
03:41
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write down that clever thing I said in the car
on our way to see the stars
told me we might spy the Northern Lights that night
but our chances
they were small
and they’re just an illusion
like the theory that things come easy for me
you call me effortless
I call your bluff
and the odds haven’t been in my favor
roll the dice
call snake eyes
but it’s sixes on both sides
like the walls of Babylon
this was meant to crumble and fall down
if we get all what we what deserve
are we the villains now?
testify that I can’t lie
it is not is my constitution
constellation in the sky
shows my fate for a reason
scrape my bitten nails right down your back
and ask, “in a past life, was I a wicked wife?”
and it’s just an illusion
like the theory that things come easy
like the walls of Babylon
this was meant to crumble and fall down
if we get all what we what deserve
are we the villains now?
like a cautionary tale
guess we were not destined to prevail
if we all get what we deserve
I’ll keep on chasing the white whale
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2. |
nest
03:49
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I was told that I’d have one year
to be better
to breathe easier
I once thought you were my one great love
but it turns out you were just a shame
built a tower on the shore where I thought I could be safe from keeping score
but I only asked for more
built my nest up from the ground and in the trees I saw the branches break apart
looked like veins beneath my heart
I don’t want to stay here anymore
let’s move away next year
sleep by the lakes
I once thought it was a bitter pill
I was fed
but I bled out
what now?
built a tower on the shore where I thought I would be safe forevermore
but I fought a civil war
built my nest up from the ground and in the trees I saw the branches break apart
looked like veins beneath my heart
unlucky from the start
I guess it’s clear we were not meant to be here
we were not meant to be here
we were not meant to be here
we’ll try again next year
we’ll try again next year
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3. |
marigolds
03:32
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I wash my hands of it
I won’t speak of you
Saturn's return was many years ago
but I’m spinning
and I cannot find the way I want to walk
so I will trip the whole way home
and again we make the same mistakes
we said we’d never make
we watch our parents break
they watch us fall
when I saw the road split into two
I said that I remember a quote about
the less walked path
can I never look
can I never look
can I never look back?
then I thought about the day
you said you want to die
a cloudy sky
and permeating fresh-mowed grass
a jar of marigolds beside our bed
I said I liked the name
but maybe for a dog
or next year’s try
can I never look
can I never look
can I never look back?
should I never look
should I never look
should I never look back?
then February came
like a perfect storm
I was not prepared for how cold I’d feel
many sweaters that I bought
were meant for such a time
yet I still felt frozen through
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4. |
hush now
03:40
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the sky looked like a bruise
I had upon my left shoulder
sycophantic yellows turned to blue
it was like the time
when I broke down in the restaurant
primrose was in season
but I cried for violets
hush now, I’m only lying to myself
someone tell me how to feel
hush now, I’m only lying with my mouth
and I can’t believe it
silky battle scars
tendons wrapped around my bones
feed me milk and honey
will I grow strong on my own?
and will I still surprise you every time that I take you home?
cannot see tomorrow
it’s just colors all alone
hush now, I’m only lying to myself
someone tell me how to feel
hush now, I’m only lying with my mouth
but I can’t believe
it’s a damn shame I keep lying to myself
someone tell me how to feel
it’s a damn shame I keep trying to figure out
how to play to win
I know how to be the prettiest mourning dove
I dress up in a body that behaves
cigarettes
place your bets
rest them on my dirty tongue
I cannot tell you what I have become
hush now, I’m only lying
hush now…hush now….
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5. |
pedestal
02:52
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you've got me on a pedestal
where I tell you I don't like the view
if I'm being honest I can honestly say that's not true
tell you I don't like being told what to do
but what if I do
your goodness shows
glossy like a magazine
you're outdoing me
virtue knows it’s had its time with me
can I be a little mean?
don't wanna be a liar so I keep it all in
don't wanna love another so I bury my sins
for you
can we find a looking glass
that's big enough to hold us?
falling in a rabbit hole
I only stole
your heart
can't tell if I'm down river or up the creek
but throw me a paddle and I'll keep the water underneath
for you
hold me up and I'll just fall to pieces next to –
fill my cup and I'll just tip it over and over and over
say it's love
it's the only thing I can make sense of
you’ve got me on a pedestal
where I tell you that I like the view
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6. |
paper dolls
02:06
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brush my teeth
stick the end in my ear
just to feel a sensation
take me far from here
rip my plans into paper dolls
then throw them away
I will never need them, okay?
what good is pulchritude if my attitude
is uglier than sin?
I don’t care what I say to myself
I can’t be with myself
play the hand that I’m dealt
or fold them, throw them away
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7. |
johnny gown
03:08
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I held my breath for you
until you said you were through
we spoke of death
as if he was somebody that we knew
I flung my words ’round the kitchen
but nothing stuck like glue
everybody thinks I’m doing well
can’t tell
I’m barely respiring
the doctor wrote me a letter
the flowers dropped like flies
the johnny gown they gave me matched my eyes
(to my surprise!)
I flung my heart on the dresser
sewed it back to my sleeve
feeling all these feelings in real time
fights the disease
but I’m tired of trying
ask me in the morning
how I’m doing
if I’m expiring
you’ll see it in my vibe and
the devil’s in the details
when I’m depriving
myself from ever really thriving
I called a cab at midnight
I drank my last dose of gin
I lost my patience
thinking of what almost could have been
I held the door for you
you told me that we were through
I guess you never know how many times
you’ll say goodbye
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8. |
borrowed time
02:32
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we weren’t where we were supposed to be
we bled where we were not supposed to bleed
a moment lost in borrowed time
if we’re wrong, I don’t want to be righteous
if we’re wrong, I don’t wanna be
I’m a stranger wearing strange skin
I’m a rover looking for my kin
a moment lost
it was sublime
if I’m wrong I don’t wanna be righteous
if i’m wrong, I don’t wanna be
glittery pavement
I’ll fall and fall again
shiny new regrets
oozing out like liniment
fresh on the scene
circumstances unforeseen
if I’m wrong, I don’t want to be
if I’m wrong, I don’t want to be
we weren’t where we tried so hard to be
we bled when we were not supposed to bleed
a moment lost
a perfect crime
if I’m wrong, I don’t wanna be
I don’t wanna be
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9. |
terracotta floors
04:26
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ripped the dress you said was nice
called you back
but hung up twice
spilled my coffee
now the dress is black
so glad you got your groove back
thought about a new tattoo
by new I mean my first pursuit
porcelain with tree branches running down my thigh
go to the garden where the lilies grow
smells so green
I learned to mow it
misery feels lovelier on terracotta floors
bought some soil and gasoline
nothing’s ever what it seems
canceled the party on the very last day
’cause I’m so far away
I’m so far away
made no plans on New Years Eve
that was when you discovered me
drinking in the bathroom
just me and the commode
glassy eyed we were electrified
fluorescent lighting was our starry sky
guess I always wanted you to tell me it’s okay
but I’m so far away
I’m so far away
I’m so far away
I feel so far away
I feel so far a-
is this how I should behave?
I don’t know anymore
I just wax and I wane
I bought a car but I can’t drive
don’t leave me behind
ripped the dress you said was nice
spilled my coffee
now the dress is black
just trying to get my groove back
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10. |
whatever it takes
02:25
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am I an optimist
for trying so damn hard?
you gave me everything
I thought it was my fault
(aahhhhhhh)
don’t wanna be a victim
of this circumstance
and can I help it I’m good at
holding onto what I should let live?
(aahhhhhhh)
wanna be your lover
turn from gray to color
three years older
if I run for cover
can I crawl back to you on the other side?
can we start this over ?
I’ll do whatever it takes
I’ll do whatever it takes
I’ll do whatever it takes
even if my heart…
I’ll do whatever it takes
I’ll do whatever it takes
I’ll do whatever it takes
even if my heart breaks
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Mackenzie Shivers New York, New York
When Mackenzie Shivers creates music, it’s as if it demands to be heard. The Hudson Valley based singer-songwriter began writing music and playing piano when she was four years old, telling her mother she had “music locked inside of her that needed to come out.” Her writing provides a conduit for complex emotions, untangling as they poke through the surface, yearning to be explored and set free. ... more
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